Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
