you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
