Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
