what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
