"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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