if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
