doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
