thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
