Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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