I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
