I want to make a zoo with you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
