I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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