just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
