i think my tv is drunk
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
