I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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