3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
