i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
