do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
