3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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