I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
