why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
