i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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