Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
