I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
