if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
