I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
