I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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