i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
