its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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