Are we in a gay sports bar?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
