just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You pole danced in your parka.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
