So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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