I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
