Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
