I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
