This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
