I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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