I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it was like eating out sand paper
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
