NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
