My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
