Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My bed smells like the plague
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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