if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
