i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
