Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
