Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
