ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
