Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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