i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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