You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
