I think my vagina is haunted
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
