If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
