Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
