I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
