So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
