It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
